I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
