Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
