youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
