There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
