Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
