Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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