FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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