I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
