I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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