dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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