Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
