I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
