: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
