remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
