I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
