i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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