that's an acceptable place to lick
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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