Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
