THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
