i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
