once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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