I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
