SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Who died my cat blue again?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
