he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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