Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
sex in a hospital.. check
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
