if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
