Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
