Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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