So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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