I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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