So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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