found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
barbara walters just said penis...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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