apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
