Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
