if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
