it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
