I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
