Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
