its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
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Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
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WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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