I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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