I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
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I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
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How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize