Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
