All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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