She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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