I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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