I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Randomize
