Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
