We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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