What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
