Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
