There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
