Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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