Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
