I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
