I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
