Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
