You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
