I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
