remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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