there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
