Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
