Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Vodka?
Forever.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
