I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
