absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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