Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
