i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
