dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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