im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
