I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
