just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Text me some of your sweat
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
