I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
