If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
