you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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