where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
