I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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